Brknsuitcase thinks about travel - Italy Pt. 1

Matera, Italy

I am back from the travel wars! I've been thinking about my trip all week, trying to put it in some kind of perspective to tell the story of how it went. I just can't. Currently sleepless, so I will give my non sequitur travel thoughts that ran through my head while on the road. If you don't like profanity, stop reading. I have a mouth like a sailor. For review, I went to the cities of Venice, Rome, Matera, Spello, and Milan in that order.

Leaving home to JFK:
That's Dee Snider from Twisted Sister!
Should I splurge on a day pass to the Delta Lounge?
There are a lot of people here. Zero chance of getting an empty row. Bummer.
There are a lot of people with carry-ons. A LOT. Please sweet Jesus don't make me check my backpack.
I paid 10 bucks extra for Priority Boarding. I bet all these people in front of me right now are cheating bastards.
You mean I'm not on the exit row?
Oh look, someone already in my row. Great.
And look, my overhead bin is filled already. I'm never falling for that Priority Boarding bullshit again.
I WILL YOU TO FIT!
Yeah baby!
Don't talk to me.
Why aren't you talking to me?!
Out comes the laptop, fine, be that way then. I got a Kindle full of erudite books.This is not Diner Dash at all.
No it's not ebola, it's a plain 'ol vanilla sneeze.
Does anyone else feel like they're in kindergarten when they hand out drinks?
This flight attendant is so nice. If anyone fucks with you I will fight them to the death!
Zzzzz....
Damn, are we landing already? -- Wiping off sleep slobber.
Don't look at me. I'm hideous.

JFK:
Umm where the hell do I go now?!
Do we get free tablets? Why are there tablets all over the place?!
Umm where do I go now?!
Shit, I shoulda read the stupid airline mag with the terminal map.
Ok it'd be nice to have a sign telling you where to go for your particular airline.
Thanks dude.
It's so cold!
Why yes, Mr. Gate agent, I do pack light.
Impress airline employee with packing skills. Achievement Unlocked!
ZOMG, what the actual fuck JFK?! Did I sign up for some kind of 10k walk?!
I'm going to Italy,I'm going to Italy.
Oh shit, I'm going to Italy by myself. Wtf  was I thinkin' when I bought this ticket?
Omg..I actually understand what these Italian people are talking about! The tutoring worked!
I feel like a spy. I wonder if true bi-linguals feel this way all the time.
I forgot to eat before I left. People are starting to look delicious.
Another solo black woman! I'm giving you a mental fistbump right now.
I wonder if she's Italian.
Dammit I'm hungry. I will NOT go to the newsstand for Pringles.
I can't believe I'm saving myself for airplane food.
Welp this is it!

On the plane to Italy:
I WILL YOU TO FIT!
Ohh yeah!
I don't have seatmates yet.
Hmm 10 minutes to go. If someone gets on this plane late and ruins my row hogging plans I will be beyond furious.
OMG, OMG! They're closing the doors! Ladies and gentlemen, suck it! All this real estate is mine!"
First class at economy prices!
FEED ME NOW!
Ha HA asshole, I am impervious to your ill-timed recline!
FOOD!!!
Do not get booze. You know how you get.
Is there such a thing as too many entertainment choices? I think not.
Zzzz...
You know, maybe I'll go to Australia next year. These flights are too short.
Emirates, I think I love you.

Milan Malpensa Airport:
We don't get/need any kind of customs entry card? Interesting.
One more stamp to add to my collection. Yay!
Oh God! I can't remember how to Italian!
Think, think..calm down.
Vorrei un biglietto di seconda classe per Venezia. Per favore.
Holy shit, where'd that come from?!
Assimil DID work!
Ok yeah..I meant Milano Centrale. Oops.
I know I probably need to validate this..but where?
Oh right here.

Train to Milan Central train station
Do NOT go the fuck to sleep!

At Milano Centrale:
I feel like a farm girl landing in a big city.
Biglietteria, I assume means ticket counter.
This is chaos. Where does the line end? Do I have to take a number? I am going to be here all night!
Hmm.. where are these people going? I'm following them, they look like they know what they're doing.
This poor lady.
I can use the fast ticket machines? Why are all these people in line?
Please be in English.
Yes!
I see you eyeing me. What kind of crap are you going to pull
No I don't need help. No grazie. No grazie. NO GRAZIE.
Honestly, who falls for this?
Woot! Buying a train ticket. Achievement Unlocked!
There's TIM..Hmm guess no time like the present to buy a sim card.
I don't know the Italian words for pre-paid nor sim card. I'll just show him my phone and hope he gets it.
He speaks english. Nice.
Buying an Italian sim. Achievement Unlocked!
Now to find my train.
I gotta pee first.
A Euro?! Thank god I got change from the ticket machine.
It's so clean in here! This is a train station right?
Binario.Whomp there it is!
Of course my car is at the end. Run Lola Run!

On the train:
Power plugs! I can charge my phone.
Did I buy the right adapter?
Three prong! We have a match!
This is great! We're all tourists in this together.
Here we are. I'm scared.
Google how to call someone within Italy.

Exiting Venice S. Lucia train station:
Wow! Will you look at that!